All the gossip from the Tots100 Xmas party

What happens in Butlins stays in Butlins

So said an off-the-leash parent blogger last night.

However, I already had the headline of this post in draft, so that wasn’t an option. So, for those who couldn’t make it, and anyone too hungover to remember, here are the choicest nuggets from Saturday’s Tots100 Parent Blog Index Christmas party:

  • There was a Christmas tree decorating competition. Turns out this can be a very competitive sport without much encouragement. I admitted that I let my children decorate ours and four people refused to talk to me for the rest of the night.
  • Others channelled their anger at not winning the Christmas tree competition into expressive and terrifying dances.
  • I won a hamper of goodies by groping two limes in the dark. I knew that skill would come in handy one day. Have you ever tried to fit a hamper tots100 xmas partyin a Mini? It’s challenging.
  • The wine was flowing – literally.  There was a waterfall of red wine and you had to swim through it naked to replenish your glass. Nobody objected to this.
  • In time honoured fashion, the people who appear most outgoing on their blogs were the ones who barely spoke above a whisper, and the people who like to blog about how shy they are were the first ones in the naked wine waterfall.
  • For dinner, we were force-fed prunes. I have no idea why, but bloggers Prune Lovin’ Mama and Permanently Backed Up were particularly appreciative.
  • Sally Whittle – voluntarily, and sober – hugged a person. There were audible gasps.
  • As a result of the party, a man called Kirk from Butlins has had to go in to the Witness Protection Programme.
  • Ditto a waiter called Sam

Also, since so many bloggers were gathered together, it was decided to pass some blogging rules. These are:

  • Christmas tree decorating to be entered for the Olympics
    Don’t expect to win a medal, but if there is lime feeling as well then I am IN.
  • Bloggers to add expressive and terrifying dancing to their list of chargeable services
    I think I could do quite well at this.
  • All profile pictures to be rendered in pencil
    I argued that the current system, where we all use an over-lit picture that looks nothing like we did 10 years ago, is working perfectly, but I was overruled. So this is the future, bloggers,get used to it:joanne mallon sketch



Happy nearly Christmas! Party on Tots100 dudes!