What not to buy for Christmas

 

This weekend the papers were full of gift guides and advice on what to get for the people you love (and your family) for Christmas.crap christmas gifts angry birds costume

Nobody advises you on what not to buy.

This I can help with, as I generally prepare an ‘un-list’ of things I don’t want.

Here’s this year’s top 5. Nobody buy me any of this crap:

Angry Birds child costume
Nothing says Throw me across the room like an Angry Birds costume. This is a trip to A & E and a visit from Social Services just waiting to happen.

crap christmas giftsA Christmas Turd
Look, I appreciate the thought, but I can probably save you the £3.99 and make one of these for myself. Don’t tell the craft bloggers about it, it could spark a craze for a whole new kind of home made Christmas gift.

 

Gassy Gus
And whilst we’re in the lavatory, let’s pause to admire the game that puts new meaning into the phrase Top Trumps. Yes, it’scrap christmas gifts gassy gus the farting board game. The family that pumps together stays together – they have to really, no one else will give them house room.

 

crap christmas gifts pudding bin bagsChristmas pudding bin bags
Well OBVIOUSLY it’s important to have your garbage looking appropriate to the season – this is why I shape my bin bags into hearts at Valentine’s, and into the face of the devil at Halloween. But I think the bin men would rather have the tenner, than the chance to hoick a wannabe plum pudding on their truck. Clearly designed for in-law murdering serial killers who need to dispose of the evidence. Joy to the world!

 

Handerpants
They’re gloves! They look like pants! Sell it to me, Pants Man:

Er, no thanks

Have you spotted anything less desirable than this lot? What else needs to go on the un-list?

  • You really have seen it all before if a Christmas turd doesn’t even touch the sides, Mammasaurus.

  • I was Christmas shopping today in a very busy city centre and saw the Christmas turd! Maybe I’m getting old but the sight of it didn’t even raise a smirk from me, just an eye roll!

  • That’s the spirit Charlie! I should point out that the reason I’ve included links is not because I expect anybody to buy this stuff, but just to prove that it’s all real.

  • I haven’t been to any actual shops recently but if I see anything as bad as this I will risk getting thrown out and try to take a picture!