It’s 30th November. Today I was invited to a press event in a wine emporium, and the launch of Mario Kart 7. But I am going to neither, as the teachers are on strike and both children are at home. Thanks a lot Teach. Next time you fancy quaffing booze and racing dinosaurs, I’ll be straight round to bugger up your plans as well.
This is the live blog of our day, to be updated as the day progresses:
6:45am – Normally this is when I get up to haul the Daughter off to Hogwarts, so I was looking forward to a day off from that. However, Himself started snoring at 6:45 instead, so that put paid to that. The day has not started well.
8:30am – Coffee
Did you know that eagles like to fart?
Jesus, what are they teaching these kids?
Where did you get your information?
From my head.
OK then. That explains a lot.
10am – More coffee. Conversation continues at a similarly erudite level:
Mum, can you fart the tune of Jingle Bells?
Why would I do that?
Because it would be very cool
Clearly the definition of what is cool has changed in recent times
10:10am – Mum, have you tried to fart the tune of Jingle Bells? You look like you might be
10:11am – I inform everyone within earshot that breaking wind is off the menu as a topic of conversation for today. Dennis the Cat looks unimpressed.
12 noon – With children going increasingly feral and a gale blowing outside, we repair to the Wii for a spot of Zumba. Get briefly distracted by the promise of Cumbria-style exercise. What could that possibly be? Lake District aerobics? Hearty walking on the spot?
Turns out to be Cumbia, a style of music poular in Latin America. So that’s geography, PE and music covered all in one.
12:10 – Turns out we’re incorporating ICT as well, as the children secretly film me doing Zumba, via the iPad. I burn the evidence and PE class resumes as they flee to their bedrooms at top speed whilst I channel my inner Debating Society by shouting at them.
2pm – Not getting much work done today. This freelance journalism lark is on the wane anyway. Thinking about getting into advertising copywriting. Here’s my first attempt, for Bigwoods store:
3.30pm – Politics class. I ask the children what they think of the teachers’ strike:
We love it! They should have one every day!